I have been married a little over 2 years. I am "considered" beautiful, I get hit on a lot still....but I hate myself, my body, I am insecure, and I am insecure in my marriage. WHY?

I wasn't this way when I first got married. My husband seemed perfect, I thought I knew everything about him. Only 9 months into our marriage he told me he'd been looking at porn, It so didn't seem like him....I laughed and said "are you serious" (honestly thinking he was joking). He was serious, he said it was only once, he wanted to tell me right away and it wouldn't happen again. I respected him for coming and telling me, but I was devastated too....I told myself and my mom...this would never happen to me. You see, my mom didn't want me to turn out like her.

My dad was a sex-aholic, he cheated on her a lot, was into porn, everything. And my dad actually had a good heart and was a good dad...but as many other men, he got sucked into the spiral addiction of sexual things promoted in our society, it became a real addiction.

I saw it ruin my parents' marriage, and ruin my dad's soul and sense of self worth. My dad really ruined his life by having sex with ANYONE, and one lady recently wrongly convicted him of rape when she couldn't deal with her own guilt of having sex outside of marriage (something she had never done).

So my dad is prison due to sex addiction and bad choices, I found out also when I was 15 that my little brother had been looking at porn and had become very depressed. He saw himself falling in my dad's steps, and he wanted out...but he was also addicted. After looking at porn he'd feel so awful about himself, he became very very depressed and very very suicidal. Yet, he couldn't find strength to quit looking.

After all I'd been through with my own family, It was hard to believe my husband had been looking at porn. He even said "it has nothing to do with our sex. Our sex is great. And you are great, you are beautiful, it has nothing to do with you. " But if you put yourself in a woman's shoes....how can she not take it personally. You try to get all beautifuled up every day for this man....we were having sex twice a week or more, something he suggested and I made priority because I loved him and wanted him satisfied sexually as well. Yet, he seeks out other bodies on the internet and lusts after them?

Also, after he first told me, for months after that he claimed he hadn't looked again, and even accused me of being too paranoid so therefor, I might ruin the marriage. Yet, one day I snuck up his parents stairs as we were there late one night and he thought I was asleep...this was 6 months after he first told me, and I was scarred to see naked disgusting images on the screen. I have never shaken so hard. I fell to ground. MY stomach wouldn't stop churning.

It was sick...it was so sick to me and so painful... those woman weren't me....it was so hurtful beyond description. And worst off, he'd been lying, of course, all those months when he said I was just "paranoid."

Since then he's been working on his problem, but hasn't been honest with me completely, still! And though he distances himself from computers and we do not have internet, he will stop into bookstores when he should be working to look at magazines that have soft porn, like Maxim and Stuff.

Many addicts lie about their problem so they can continue to feed the addiction. They become addicts and liars. Though we have worked on our relationship and things have improved a lot... there are still days I feel paranoid and worried of what else my husband may or may not lie about. I can't trust him or myself because my mind churns worrying about what he could be doing. This isn't what marriage is supposed to be.

I don't believe my husband foresaw this happening either, this wasn't in either of our plans, yet many MANY marriages and relationships suffer this. Porn and addiction is sweeping over our society and the media lets it all in. Families and hearts are being torn to pieces.

This is not a pity story for me - Goodness, my story is among THOUSANDS, if not MILLIONS. I've read many stories already. Its a scary, scary epidemic in our society, and it is truly ruining women - whether you are the naked woman in the picture, who has totally desensitized herself, or demeaned herself, or your the woman on the other side who's family and marriage is falling apart. Sad...sad......sad....I hope my marriage makes it. Thank God we haven't had kids yet.

Labels: addiction, adultery, brothers, depression, devestation, distrust, divorce, emotional pain, everyone is affected, family, fathers, honesty, internet, lies, pornography, sexual addiction, spouse

My dad was a bright boy - the kind that struggles in school because they're not challenged. He eventually dropped out and entered the military. He was very proud of his military career, however, and worked very hard at it. A debilitating illness stole his eyesight at a young age, and he found himself unemployed and unemployable, and with a young family. He was devastated and fell into depression.

He had decided as a young man that there was no God, and that religion was only a crutch for the weak-minded. So when these life-changing events occurred, he literally had nothing to help him through it. He turned to the only thing that brought him comfort: his pornography.

About this time he started abusing and molesting my younger sister. I found out a couple of years later, but I was a teenager and didn't know what to do. I have since found out that since I wasn't the actual victim, there wasn't really anything I or anyone I told could do. The victims were questioned informally about it (possibly both my sisters were molested, I never was sure about the second one), and both denied it. So, in legal terms, "If there's no victim, then there's no crime." Except there was a crime.

Even though I was never molested, I feel like I've suffered. I had emotional turmoil for years (counseling helped - I highly recommend it), had a lot of anger, and issues with self-image. And I almost feel like I don't have the right to feel the pain, because I wasn't the victim.

It's been hard, having a story to tell, except that I don't have the right to tell it because it's not my story. I remember as a teen knowing that my mom probably didn't know, and not knowing how to tell her. I ended up just withdrawing and staying in my room all the time. One thing that helped me get through those very lonely years was God. It really helped when I'd pray, I could feel His love. That has helped me through my whole life. And our story is different from other stories I've read because there was no violence or threats.

My sister was seduced, and to this day is not only not angry with my dad (who has since died), but even feels that his excommunication from the church was somehow her fault. My father abused my sister for over 10 years, into her first marriage. She has seen her life destroyed. Her marriage broke up and she lost guardianship of her two children, who are now grown. She copes by being a very shallow person. She accepts people on the surface, makes excuses for everyone, and just deals with life one day at a time.

Pornography is not allowed in my home. And the hardest thing in the world has been to deal with my own teenage boys, who investigate the porn that is freely offered and easily available to today's youth, who have so much more time to spend looking for it than their caring parents have to protect them from it.

I haven't told my kids about my family. It's just too much ugliness, and we're all just trying to move on and leave it in the past. But I question my choice when I tell my teenage son pornography is bad, and he spits back at me, "That's your opinion." Oh no it's not. It's fact. And my whole family has the scars to prove it.

Labels: addiction, brothers, children, depression, divorce, everyone is affected, family, internet, pornography, sexual abuse, spouse

Finally! Someone else who shares my burden to stop the perverted sickness called "pornography". Where do I even start? My father grew up in a home with a lecherous, abusive father, & both of his siblings turned out to be homosexual.

He had & probably still has a serious addiction to porn. He went on to sexually abuse me from about age 3 to about 11, threatening to kill my mom if I ever told her. I didn't remember the abuse until I was 18, two years after he left.

He may have abused my brother, 3 years my junior, but he did sodomize my brother that is 11 years younger than me because he remembered it. This 2nd brother, in turn, around age 10 or 11, went on to molest his three younger siblings.

He was caught & admitted to it all when he was 14 & spent the next 18 months locked up in a facility for boys like that. He has had a porn addiction, as well as having premarital sex with two girls.

He is trying hard, with God's help to overcome & change, but this will take a will of iron & many years of healing. The other brother I mentioned has been addicted to porn since his teen years, when he found the old man's stash. I have been able to find healing & hope through my relationship with Jesus Christ, & I praise Him for that.

However, our father vehemently denies that he ever touched us, & we have no contact with him. Every member in my family has been viciously & deeply hurt by this, from my mom down to my youngest sibling. All of them are recovering & doing well, but you never get totally over it.

My husband of 8 years had a porn addiction prior to our marriage, thanks to his mom bringing it into the home when he was 9. God has been good, as he only had one relapse after we married & my husband is honest about his struggles with temptation, & there are certain safeguards we maintain to help him overcome the temptations that would lead him back down that road.

He & I have determined that the evil that has been passing down the generations STOPS with us. We so carefully guard what our young son & daughter see. I go through all mail (catalogs, mailers, magazines, etc) before either my husband or kids can get a hold of them so that they will not accidentally stumble upon it.

We must take a stand! We must contact even local stores like Victoria's Secret that display pornography in public places, forcing our husbands & children to see this crap! Thanks for this site. Always remember, with Jesus, our wounds & hearts can be healed.

Labels: addiction, brothers, divorce, fathers, sexual abuse

I'm younger than pretty much everyone on here, since I'm not quite fourteen.

My father became addicted to porn. I don't know how exactly when it started, but it led to the end of my parents' marriage when I was five years old. We don't know if he's still addicted or not, and I rarely see him.

If that wasn't enough, he got my brother hooked on pornography six years ago, when he was just thirteen. When he got addicted, he was cruel and really didn't care much anymore. His grades really suffered, and it affected his whole life. My brother suffered quite awhile with his online addiction, but has fully overcome it. We are really close, and he acts as a father to me. We hope that one day we are sure that my father is also through with his addiction.

Labels: addiction, brothers, children, divorce, fathers